[edit]I have a new home na naman! check it out I’ve imported my old posts so not so much of a change…yung link lang… rakista na ako! haha htnaks to mommy elle click here

I just came from our retreat last night and this afternoon. I never thought that the experience would be very memorable. I didn’t really planned on taking it seriously because for me, I actually thought it’d be boring.

I was never the religious type of person. Growing up with grandparents around me, I was conservative but not the “manang” type. It was by far different from being religious. Yeah, now I know.

I went to the retreat house with tw of my friends. When I saw the place, I felt a certain so\mething in me that I didn’t know. I was reluctant but I knew it’s a requirement and there’s no way backing out.

We had a few sessions of which I never really thought i’d enjoy. At first, though, I was pretty disappointed because my souls sister and I were in two different rooms. Because of that, i thought I won’t be enjoying the night but heck, we ended up staying in the room of our adviser! woah! haha

the retreat was so much fun but i guess the best part was the prayer thingy. we weren’t allowed to bring cellphones or writst watches and there wasn’t even a sign of a clock there. i think it was 10pm. we had this session about prayers and communication. I knew right then and there that it’ the heart of the retreat.

And I was right.

We were asked to hold hands with our seatmates and the facillitator started relaxing us by giving us some breathing excercises, eyes closed. By that time, I was already sensing something. However, i was pretty drowsy but then again, he told us, “your burdens are on your shoulders. let them down. don’t be too insecure. Let all those pains and hurts down.” Suddenly, thta was it. Tears started rolling down my eyes.

I realized that I’ve been keeping the pains in my heart and it was one chance for me to let go.

I’ve had so many heartaches, pains, and all and I keep it in my heart. For the longest time I felt EMPTY. Despite the fact that I’m an honor student and all, I was feeling empty. Why? Such a big question. Why do I feel empty? The facillitator suddenly asked us to imagine our parents and most especially our dads.

He said fathers are the most misnderstood people in the world. and he was right. He asked us, when did you last talked to your parent? when did you last hug your parents? when did ytou lasttold your parents you love them? me? I could hardly remember. especially with my dad. Then, the lights went off… and a father’s voice was played over the tape.

At that point, I must say, most of us were weeping. I couldn’t help my tears. they just kept on flowing. After that, he asked us to find a place where we could talk to God. Believe it or not, I felt a hand in my head and I imagined my dad but as the image became clearer, I saw God. Just the way I imagined him to be.

I qwent to a secluded place to reflect. Tears were still running down my eyes. I couldn’t help it. Even when we returned to the session hall, many were still weeping. Including me.

Another highlight would have ot be when he asked us to hug our classmates. We were all emotional I think. Yeah, we were. I got the chance to hug this person I devoted my life to and missed. He was one of the persons who made my hs life happy and yet, even if I see him everyday, I still do miss him. I miss our 2nd year days and all. I missed you, pal!

Then in themorning, we were shown a video about abortion. there was a fetus shown and he was being aborted. you could hear the heartbeat and yet they were being killed. Ow, poor little child.

Now, I guess I’m a better person. i learned how to listen. In a different way. Thanks to the retreat. Thanks to my friends. thanks to God.

I may not be a religious person but I do believe that God gives me a miracle each day.

[edit]look at this!

I just want to share with you the picture of the wonderful people in my life These people are my inspirations and they all guide me to where I should be. Let’s start of course with my own pic! haha

haha looking haggard after a hosting stint. I’m the Bianca Gonzales of our school daw?! wow, very flattering haha They say I look like rachele ann go?! well, czar says so…and hilary duff?! and tata young?! haha and lalaine vergara-paraz?! sorry to their fans. I know, it’s a shame on them haha

and then me and my soul sister’s pic

grabeh, we’re so kulet together! she’s been my confidant and sister all rolled into one. We talk about crushes and all. She’s really the best. I love her soo much :-*

my classmates! gonna miss them


We’eve been together since 1st year. We’ve had victories and defeats, laughters and tears and yet, we remain,Michaelangelo03 Einstein04,Shakespeare05 and Wisdom06, NOTHING COMPARES! In school, we’re labeled as one of the noisiest pilot sections ever but we continue to0 prove them that we’re not only making noise, we’re making history! I love them so much.

My cousins!

They’ve been like my real sisters. They’re the only elder girls I have. Not only are we cousins but for me they’re my real ates. I love them. I really do. Even we don’t get to talk that often. I really love them cause they always listen and pray for me. Labshoo ate!

and of course, will I forget my mom?

My hero.;) ’nuff said. Love you, mom!

finally, my blogger sisters! my favorite blogs ever! my affies!
sorry, I don’t have pics of you hehe but thanks to Elle, Katia, Nika, Gayle, Andrea, Karen, Nicole, Sarah(miss you girl!), Johanna and Hoth anf to those I dodn’t mention, I still love you girls! I’ll mention you next time

PSS my bokbok!
haha swoon! he’s mine

Warning: Long post

ouch. that’s really a hell week for me this coming week. Investigatory project’s due on wednesday[edit]I’m done with my investigatory project! as in just now! haha thanksto those who helped out, Irwin, Gelline, Kikx, Ratz and Ms. Vitug![edit] and here comes Student’s Week, plus, the Carriole Seminar workshop.

Oh well, sigh. I can’t do anyhting about it anyway. I’ll just live with it. *sigh*

on the other hand, I watched “Pasiklaband” in school which was a battle of the bands. ell, I could say that it’s good but i didn’t really enjoyed it. Well, actually, I did but not for the reason that it was a battle of the bands.

I invited a good friend of mine, kuya Gelo to watch and we ended up talking about so many stuff. He’s very intellectual and I admire him because of that. Hmm, I can see eyebrows racing! haha He has a girlfriend, ok? And besides, he’s my kuya!. He has taught me so many things in life. We shared personal views, and it was really fun talking to him. He’s such a great guy. Wanna see him? Click here haha he’ll kill me if he sees this!

Anyway, there’s this guy from a good school here in Antipolo. hmm, how should I begin this? wel,, I texted him asking something and then we eventually became textmates. But one night, I sent a group message and he just showed me he’s “mahangin” haha whatever that means. Let me share it to you:

Me:[gm] gud eve guys! Just came home kain na po kayo dinner wag papagutom

him: nasa ynares ako ngayun

Me: ah tlga? Wow, naman, sayang di ako nakapanuod jan. Fave. ko pa naman na team yan anyway, who r u with?

Him: friends

Me: friends o c gf? joke haha ;p

Him: hindi ko kasama ngayon

Me: ay ganun? sayang naman, date sana! haha joike uli gano na ba kayo katagal?

Him: two month sa 2

Me: anung name? tga school nyu din?

Him: nope. taga SJWMS

Me: ah tlaga? marami ako kakilala dun! anu ngang name? baka kilala ko

Him: Phexi

Me: wow, ang cute, ang lapit ng names nyo ha?

Him: hindi, tawagan lang namin yun. Bawal real name.

Me: y naman?

Him: wag na, my masasaktan jan

Me: wag na, my masasaktan jan- huh?

Him: Oo, wag na, my masasaktan jan

Duh?! What did he mean by that? He thinks I was hurt? Duh?! Now here’s something for you:
Wag ka nang magalala
Hinding-hindi ako inlab sayo
Bakit ba pakiramdam mo pa yata
Lahat kami ay naaakit mo

Please, Please, pakitigil lang please
Ang iyong pagpapantasya
Hindi ka na nakakatuwa
Ipapagulpi na kita sa gwardyang may batuta

Hindi ko talaga ma-gets kung bakit ka ganyan
Ang feeling mo ay sabik sa iyo ang lahat nang kababaihan
Sorry, pagpasensyahan mo na
Mali talaga ang iyong inaakala
Lahat kami ay nandidiri sa iyo
Ikaskas mo na sana ang mukha mo sa semento

Siguro nga naman ay may mga mas pangit pa sayo
Pero at least hindi sila nagpapakyut katulad mo
Nakaka-bad-trip ka, nakakairita tuwing kita’y nakikita
Di ko alam ba’t ang laki ng ulo mo
Magingat-ingat ka, baka ikaw ay sagasaan ko

I got this song from my cousin’s blog haha It’s by Parokya ni Edgar yata haha
Am I mean? haha I don’t care. I must admit, though, that I admire him. But after that? No way, man! Never again! haha

Last na, I passed the USTET! haha

PSS. Check out my bez’s blog! He’s so touching! His first post was a picture of us haha alabshoo, bez!

warning:ranting unstoppable!(sorry)

oh well…another lame weekend. You know what sucks these past weeks? It’s the fact that I haven’t had a free saturday…I’m never home on Saturdays and the only day i’m at home is Sunday but heck, schoolwork is piling up again as the student’s week in school is coming up. As an officer of our school’s honor society, I’m busy preparing the schedules. Wait, take this. This is the list of what i have to do:

1.Review for finals(monday-wednesday)
2.Prepare the schedules(due on Thursday)
3.Prepare my lesson plan(yep, i’ll be teaching English III and IV)(due on Thursday)
4.Band rehearsals(wed-thursday)*i quit!* *details on the next post
5.Write the class last will and testament(due before the end of the month)
6.Claim my prize in Candy
7.Journalism Seminar-workshop(next saturday)
8.Finish my Investigatory Project(due Jan.31)
9.Prepare my outfits for the Student’s week

Ouch. Next week will be a tough battle for time management. About #4, yep, you read it right.I have a band now. I’m playing the bass. I don’t know if i’m ruining my life more but it’s somehting thta i’d like to try. I’ve never held a guitar before so it was totally a new experience for me. I didn’t want to lose the opportunity so i tried it out. I don’t know. Good luck for me.

about #3, i’m the student english coordinator for the student’s week so i’ll also be busy checking my fellow student teacher’s lesson plans. *sigh*

I’m so tired. So lame. So bored. Sometimesi fell like getting tired of being the honor student. Sorry if i sound mayabang b ut that’s really what i feel right now. I’m so fed up with other people’s expectations that i sometimes hate it. It’s not that i don’t like the attention. It’s just that, sometimes, it’s too much

i just want to have fun but it seems like i can’t. this band thing is something that i enjoy. I just don’t know how am i going to do this and school. It’s hard to juggle my activities all at once. thus, the title serving two masters at the same time. school+myself. How can i do it?

I’m so tired. I envy my friends who get to hang out often and take life easily but then again, when i see my grades, fluctuating, i rush to my books and read. Yeah, I’m pretty geeky.

I’m in such a mess right now. I don’t know what to do. Help!!! I’m drowing!

there ain’t no current in this river we can’t ride

I want to start this post by saying thank you to my beloved friends and saying sorry to those people whom I may have hurt.

Yuck, enoough about emo! haha

I’ve been trying to update this blog for so long but i couldn’t connect! woah, finally, haha
I’m online a bit earlier than usual because of that NCAE thingy. It was all good, i had a good time answering it especially the clerical ability and manipulative skills part. It was al good, as for my opinion.

Guess what? the most unexpected thing happened while I am online today. I was browsing through Candymag.com when heck, I saw my username winning in that post of the month! haha don’t believe me? check it out here. I’m sooo happy! I was ecsastic haha I never thought out of the entries, i’d win. I’m so glad right now.

as for my friends, I’ve patched things up with two of my classmates. thank God. I’ve moved on already and i’m so excited to see what’s going to happen next.

OMG I’m going to get hosted by elle. haha soon. watch out for that. Sorry if i have been moving and moving.

Prom season is coming up soon. as in soon It’s on Feb.16. this time, our prom will be the formal one. The one qwith that cotilllion. I’m still unsure of what to wear, though, ’cause there are so many gowns to choose from! However, I can say that I’m excited to be there and spend the rest of the night being all glammed up with my friends(no dates, haha). I’m going stag, unless Mikee Lee asks me out which is very far from reality haha

How about you? how was your prom?

Do you guys know the feeling when you’re so exhausted from a long trip and then you’ll have to decide whether you got to school or not but then you decide to go…only to attend 3 major subjects…you ask your mom to make the excuse letter but she asks you to do it instead and just let her copy and/or sign it… do you know the feeling when you’re about 10mins. late, you enter the campus, only to hear your friend say, “bakit ka pa pumasok? we don’t have classes anymore”. You enter the room and see your girls and hug and they tell you stuff about “them” which you want to forget. Do you know the feeling when you find out that one of the subjects was cancelled due to a faculty meeting…and then the other subject teacher needs to be in the meeting so you were only given 8 problems to solve..which you cannot solve because you were absent yesterday and then the last subject is a subject you don’t good into but you strive but it still turns out boring.

Whew! That was stiff, huh?

I had just arrived( I really mean had just ’cause we arrived at 2am today) from a trip to Urdaneta, Pangasinan. We were there for the wake of my granny’s sister. It was a good break for me. I had a wonderful time meeting my om’s godmother and all the other relatives. They showed me their former schools and house. It was fun. I got to trace back my mom’s roots.

It was amazing but I desperately wanted to go home badly. Nothing feels like home. It’s still the best. Even if the air in Pangasinan is really fresh, nothing beats the airs of antipolo haha

“Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive”

mood:ok
singing:these lines from songs:
I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the best guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long
from nina’s Someday and these lines as well…
Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

and from Avril’s My Happy Ending,
It’s nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It’s nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I’m ok now.Better than I was before. I’m learning to live eah day without thinking about him…or them,in that manner.It’s like I don’t care at all. I’m striving to forget about what happended no matter how difficult it will be for me. It’s their life.Their choice.

I think this is God’s way of making me see who me real friends are and who really loves me.I felt betrayed. Yeah, I kept on thinking,“nananadya ba sya?” and then I realize that maybe yes, maybe not.

My cousin told me that she’sprobably like that ’cause she envies me.I don’twant to sound mayabang. I think someone won’t hate you if they don’t want to be like you. so I kinda think she’s right.

But what’s to envy me? I don’t have anything to boast. I’m just,simply being me. That’s all. Me,myself and I. Astrid.No pretentions.No masks. Me. Me. Me.

I learned so many things from what happended. I can’t blame anybody, though because after all, it’s their life.

This week has been a rollercoaster ride for me but now, I’ve shed enough tears and washed away the pains.Things will never be the same again for me and my former friend…if she even considered me one.

There are things that makeme smile. First,family. My familyhas always been supportive.Then, friends.Thanks to sis, jayvee, dane, aghie, jeff,josh,flor, czar, lolah and all the others who showed me that i don’t have to weep over someone who doesn’t deserve my tears. Lastly,my new home! haha

I’ve had the most number of comments here! thanks, thnaks to all those who gave out their comments.Your comments will be returned.i assure you.Thanks a lot.

wee! extra three days of free time! hahaI’m gonna go check out your blogs!

ciao!

after weeks of battling it over, I finally decided to move. I’ve realized I’ve had the best two years with blogger but then again, we all need to grow and keep on moving forward.

The decision I made hasn’t been an easy one. I just thought I’ve had enough memories in blogger so I guess it’s time for a change.

Blogger has been my HTML playground. i aced many HTML exams in school because I got to practice it in my very own blog!

I didn’t actually think of doing it too soon not until the earthquake in Taiwan. I had just switched to blogger beta, which has an affiliation in google so the tendency was I had no assurance that everything will be normal soon so i said,”maybe it’s really time to move on. i can’t risk not being able to blog for an unknown period of time.”

It’s very hard here in my location to log in to blogger. Blogger, Cbox and Haloscan will always be in my heart.

To my fellow Blogger-ers, I’m looking forward to seeing you here in my new home. You see I haven’t had the time to fix it well but I’m still the teen dreamer you used to know…with just a little bit of upgrades now…hehe

BTW, my links are still under construction! I’ll link back to you as soon as possible!

this will be the first and last time i’ll be talking about him and her ever again. Pardon me, but I think this will be an emo post

I love him…I think I really do. i keep on denying it to myself but the more I do, the more I know that indded, i do and desperately do. too bad, just when i thought things will be going my way, I stumbled upon the very truth that indeed, he has fallen for her.

I honestly don’t know how i should feel or, if i’m authorized to feel something but I can’t help sobbing, crying in my bed each night when I found out the truth about it. This feeling sucks for the very reason that I don’t have the right to feel this way because after all, we’re just friends. He was never mine. There was never an “us” to begin with.

We can never lose what we never had. Yeah, what a disturbing truth.

I hate him not because of loving someone else but for being too damn nice to make me feel loved when infact, it was just all too platonic. I’m pretty bitter to the girl because she said that she’s not completely happy when I think she is. It looks like a sign of being plastic…at least in my opinion. Lastly, this girl’s best friend is getting in my nevers. Ok, so her “bestfriend” and the guy likes each other but it still sucks when she(the bestfriend) slaps it in my face the fact that he likes her.

So this is it. I’m going to move on now with the help of my friends.

Goodbye for him and to her… i don’t know.

I’m just going to enjoy the last 44 days of my senior year.

Ciao!