[edit]I have a new home na naman! check it out I’ve imported my old posts so not so much of a change…yung link lang… rakista na ako! haha htnaks to mommy elle click here

I just came from our retreat last night and this afternoon. I never thought that the experience would be very memorable. I didn’t really planned on taking it seriously because for me, I actually thought it’d be boring.

I was never the religious type of person. Growing up with grandparents around me, I was conservative but not the “manang” type. It was by far different from being religious. Yeah, now I know.

I went to the retreat house with tw of my friends. When I saw the place, I felt a certain so\mething in me that I didn’t know. I was reluctant but I knew it’s a requirement and there’s no way backing out.

We had a few sessions of which I never really thought i’d enjoy. At first, though, I was pretty disappointed because my souls sister and I were in two different rooms. Because of that, i thought I won’t be enjoying the night but heck, we ended up staying in the room of our adviser! woah! haha

the retreat was so much fun but i guess the best part was the prayer thingy. we weren’t allowed to bring cellphones or writst watches and there wasn’t even a sign of a clock there. i think it was 10pm. we had this session about prayers and communication. I knew right then and there that it’ the heart of the retreat.

And I was right.

We were asked to hold hands with our seatmates and the facillitator started relaxing us by giving us some breathing excercises, eyes closed. By that time, I was already sensing something. However, i was pretty drowsy but then again, he told us, “your burdens are on your shoulders. let them down. don’t be too insecure. Let all those pains and hurts down.” Suddenly, thta was it. Tears started rolling down my eyes.

I realized that I’ve been keeping the pains in my heart and it was one chance for me to let go.

I’ve had so many heartaches, pains, and all and I keep it in my heart. For the longest time I felt EMPTY. Despite the fact that I’m an honor student and all, I was feeling empty. Why? Such a big question. Why do I feel empty? The facillitator suddenly asked us to imagine our parents and most especially our dads.

He said fathers are the most misnderstood people in the world. and he was right. He asked us, when did you last talked to your parent? when did you last hug your parents? when did ytou lasttold your parents you love them? me? I could hardly remember. especially with my dad. Then, the lights went off… and a father’s voice was played over the tape.

At that point, I must say, most of us were weeping. I couldn’t help my tears. they just kept on flowing. After that, he asked us to find a place where we could talk to God. Believe it or not, I felt a hand in my head and I imagined my dad but as the image became clearer, I saw God. Just the way I imagined him to be.

I qwent to a secluded place to reflect. Tears were still running down my eyes. I couldn’t help it. Even when we returned to the session hall, many were still weeping. Including me.

Another highlight would have ot be when he asked us to hug our classmates. We were all emotional I think. Yeah, we were. I got the chance to hug this person I devoted my life to and missed. He was one of the persons who made my hs life happy and yet, even if I see him everyday, I still do miss him. I miss our 2nd year days and all. I missed you, pal!

Then in themorning, we were shown a video about abortion. there was a fetus shown and he was being aborted. you could hear the heartbeat and yet they were being killed. Ow, poor little child.

Now, I guess I’m a better person. i learned how to listen. In a different way. Thanks to the retreat. Thanks to my friends. thanks to God.

I may not be a religious person but I do believe that God gives me a miracle each day.

warning:ranting unstoppable!(sorry)

oh well…another lame weekend. You know what sucks these past weeks? It’s the fact that I haven’t had a free saturday…I’m never home on Saturdays and the only day i’m at home is Sunday but heck, schoolwork is piling up again as the student’s week in school is coming up. As an officer of our school’s honor society, I’m busy preparing the schedules. Wait, take this. This is the list of what i have to do:

1.Review for finals(monday-wednesday)
2.Prepare the schedules(due on Thursday)
3.Prepare my lesson plan(yep, i’ll be teaching English III and IV)(due on Thursday)
4.Band rehearsals(wed-thursday)*i quit!* *details on the next post
5.Write the class last will and testament(due before the end of the month)
6.Claim my prize in Candy
7.Journalism Seminar-workshop(next saturday)
8.Finish my Investigatory Project(due Jan.31)
9.Prepare my outfits for the Student’s week

Ouch. Next week will be a tough battle for time management. About #4, yep, you read it right.I have a band now. I’m playing the bass. I don’t know if i’m ruining my life more but it’s somehting thta i’d like to try. I’ve never held a guitar before so it was totally a new experience for me. I didn’t want to lose the opportunity so i tried it out. I don’t know. Good luck for me.

about #3, i’m the student english coordinator for the student’s week so i’ll also be busy checking my fellow student teacher’s lesson plans. *sigh*

I’m so tired. So lame. So bored. Sometimesi fell like getting tired of being the honor student. Sorry if i sound mayabang b ut that’s really what i feel right now. I’m so fed up with other people’s expectations that i sometimes hate it. It’s not that i don’t like the attention. It’s just that, sometimes, it’s too much

i just want to have fun but it seems like i can’t. this band thing is something that i enjoy. I just don’t know how am i going to do this and school. It’s hard to juggle my activities all at once. thus, the title serving two masters at the same time. school+myself. How can i do it?

I’m so tired. I envy my friends who get to hang out often and take life easily but then again, when i see my grades, fluctuating, i rush to my books and read. Yeah, I’m pretty geeky.

I’m in such a mess right now. I don’t know what to do. Help!!! I’m drowing!

“Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive”

mood:ok
singing:these lines from songs:
I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the best guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long
from nina’s Someday and these lines as well…
Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

and from Avril’s My Happy Ending,
It’s nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It’s nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I’m ok now.Better than I was before. I’m learning to live eah day without thinking about him…or them,in that manner.It’s like I don’t care at all. I’m striving to forget about what happended no matter how difficult it will be for me. It’s their life.Their choice.

I think this is God’s way of making me see who me real friends are and who really loves me.I felt betrayed. Yeah, I kept on thinking,“nananadya ba sya?” and then I realize that maybe yes, maybe not.

My cousin told me that she’sprobably like that ’cause she envies me.I don’twant to sound mayabang. I think someone won’t hate you if they don’t want to be like you. so I kinda think she’s right.

But what’s to envy me? I don’t have anything to boast. I’m just,simply being me. That’s all. Me,myself and I. Astrid.No pretentions.No masks. Me. Me. Me.

I learned so many things from what happended. I can’t blame anybody, though because after all, it’s their life.

This week has been a rollercoaster ride for me but now, I’ve shed enough tears and washed away the pains.Things will never be the same again for me and my former friend…if she even considered me one.

There are things that makeme smile. First,family. My familyhas always been supportive.Then, friends.Thanks to sis, jayvee, dane, aghie, jeff,josh,flor, czar, lolah and all the others who showed me that i don’t have to weep over someone who doesn’t deserve my tears. Lastly,my new home! haha

I’ve had the most number of comments here! thanks, thnaks to all those who gave out their comments.Your comments will be returned.i assure you.Thanks a lot.

wee! extra three days of free time! hahaI’m gonna go check out your blogs!

ciao!

this will be the first and last time i’ll be talking about him and her ever again. Pardon me, but I think this will be an emo post

I love him…I think I really do. i keep on denying it to myself but the more I do, the more I know that indded, i do and desperately do. too bad, just when i thought things will be going my way, I stumbled upon the very truth that indeed, he has fallen for her.

I honestly don’t know how i should feel or, if i’m authorized to feel something but I can’t help sobbing, crying in my bed each night when I found out the truth about it. This feeling sucks for the very reason that I don’t have the right to feel this way because after all, we’re just friends. He was never mine. There was never an “us” to begin with.

We can never lose what we never had. Yeah, what a disturbing truth.

I hate him not because of loving someone else but for being too damn nice to make me feel loved when infact, it was just all too platonic. I’m pretty bitter to the girl because she said that she’s not completely happy when I think she is. It looks like a sign of being plastic…at least in my opinion. Lastly, this girl’s best friend is getting in my nevers. Ok, so her “bestfriend” and the guy likes each other but it still sucks when she(the bestfriend) slaps it in my face the fact that he likes her.

So this is it. I’m going to move on now with the help of my friends.

Goodbye for him and to her… i don’t know.

I’m just going to enjoy the last 44 days of my senior year.

Ciao!